| NATIONAL
ASSOCIATION
OF
SCHOOL
PSYCHOLOGISTS
by Beth M. Levy
Hollis Elementary School, Braintree, MA
Anger Management for Young Children
A Handout for Parents
Background
Anger is a natural emotion experienced by all living creatures. Animals and humans react
and display behaviors when angry, and although humans can also use language to
communicate feelings, wants and desires, they often use actions and behaviors instead. Some
of these angry feelings and responses are inborn; however, adults also teach children how to
respond to emotions. Children learn how to react and handle different feelings from watching
parents, friends and teachers around them.
Anger can be a good emotion because it tells us if something is not right, or if we are in
danger. Learning how and when to respond to the different feelings of anger is the lesson we
need to teach our children. The best way to teach children to handle their anger is by modeling
appropriate behaviors, and this is especially important for young children, who are learning how
to associate new words with their feelings.
Development
Typically, children direct their aggressive behaviors toward other children more often than
toward adults. Children display their anger inappropriately because they do not have good
coping strategies. Children do not understand how situations or actions can evoke angry
feelings. Something triggers a reaction in the child and they do not know how to respond. Young
children are not yet intellectually able to correctly label emotions and to respond in a socially
desired manner. They get physical (i.e., pushing, hitting, biting, kicking and screaming) because
their language has not yet fully developed and they react with inborn responses.
As children grow, understanding the typical behaviors associated with each developmental
(age) stage is helpful to parents. Although these stages do not match every child perfectly, as
they do not take into account individual temperament or environmental factors, they can be
useful guidelines to follow.
A Two-Year-Old Child: Two-year-olds have difficulty making decisions. They want to know
everything. "Why?" Becomes the two-year-old's ultimate question. During this stage of
development there continues to be little, if any, sharing. By two and a half, children start to
display intense and often violent emotions. They want everything, especially what they cannot
have. Children at this stage express strong feelings for what they desire and will do whatever
they need to in order to obtain the desired object.
A Three-Year-Old Child: The child at three starts feeling more independent and more
comfortable sharing with other children. At the same time, the three-year-old frequently feels
scared in new situations and as a result strives for control again. Their assertiveness is shown
through verbal threats, such as: "You are stupid" or "Ihate you."
A Four-Year-Old Child: At four a child will do anything if provoked. Kicking, spitting and even
running away is often seen when the child does not get his way. While they need boundaries,
the four-year-old enjoys pushing the limits. Verbal aggressiveness increases with four-year-old
children by more name-calling.
Parents can play a positive role by helping their children deal with anger. Parents who use
positive approaches and modeling techniques will enable their children to grow emotionally
strong and able to deal with the difficult situations they will face in the course of everyday life.
Some children inappropriately display anger because they have not yet learned more
effective coping strategies. There are other children who may become violently angry or who
may display hazardous behaviors that are dangerous to themselves and others. If there is an
increase in your child's anger, determine whether any significant changes have occurred which
might be upsetting your child. If your child is displaying severely violent or dangerous behaviors,
it is strongly recommended that you seek additional assistance from a school psychologist or a
pediatrician.
Resources for Parents
Bilodeau, L. (1992). The anger workbook. Minneapolis: CompCare Publishers.
Clark, L. (1996). SOS! Help for parents (2nd edition). Parents Press.
Eastman, M. (1994). Taming the dragon in your child: Solutions for breaking the cycle of family anger. New York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Martin, M. & Waltman-Greenwood, C. (1995). Solve your child's school-related problems. New York: HarperPerennial.
McKay, M., Fanning, P., Paleg, K., & Landis, D. (1996). When anger hurts your kids: A parent's guide. Oakland, California: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Severe, S. (1996). How to behave so your children will, too! Greentree Publishing.
Resources for Elementary or Preschool Children
Aborn, A. (1994). Everything I do you blame on me! King of Prussia Pa: The Center for Applied
Psychology, Inc. (Grades K-6).
Faber, A. & Mazlish, E. (1994). Bobby and the Brockles. New York: Avon. (Grades 3-5).
Mosher, A. (1994). Don't rant & rave on Wednesdays!: The children's anger control book. Kansas City, MO: Landmark Editions. (Grades K-6).
Simon, N. (1974). I was so mad! Morton Grove, IL: Albert Whitman & Co. (Pre-3).
1998 National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway, Suite 402, Bethesda MD 20814--301~657
0270.
Helping Children at Home and School: Handouts from Your School
Psychologist
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